No matter what kind of person you are, chances are that dating in Germany will be a little different than what you are used to. Some Germans can be reserved and formal, so it can be challenging to break the ice and get to know someone. On the other hand, dating in Germany can be an exciting and fulfilling experience if you are up for a bit of challenge.
In this article, we’ll touch on several topics related to “Dating in Germany” to give you an insight into the German dating culture.
Happy falling in love, we hope you enjoy reading!
Dating culture in Germany – a passage in time
Looking at history, we can only speak of dating in Germany from the early 20th century onwards.
Before that, there were other aspects in the foreground. Falling in love was only allowed if the chosen partner was an asset to one’s marital status. If you compare this model with today, it seems almost insane not to be able to choose your partner. Today, for example, you can search for a partner anywhere and anytime on the Internet. Within the last 100 years, dating in Germany has experienced a turning point.
At the dawn of the 20th century
Before industrialization and other developments, it was rather impossible to meet someone on your own. But then that changed. Schools and other meeting places became an opportunity for women and men to meet each other. You couldn’t make dates without involving the guardians beforehand. It created a unique feeling of freedom, especially for the younger generation, and the first “unarranged dates” could occur.
Then came the Second World War
While the previous years were about savoring the newfound freedom of dating, it underwent a new change during World War II. Couples in love understood the seriousness of the situation as the men were being drafted to the front. A boom in engagements took place. At the same time, the first dating agencies emerged. Agencies focused on connecting women with men who were single and at war. Letters were sent in the traditional way, which allowed them to exchange ideas. Shortly after the men’s return, couples would get married. So you could talk about the first analog dating agencies, which had already brought together numerous couples at that time.
The post-war period
The 50s are known for the baby boom that occurred after the war. This trend declined again in the following period.
Free love in the 60s
If you look at the development of dating culture in Germany, you can’t get past the time of the hippie movement. The introduction of the pill contributed to the fact that it was all about sexual pleasure at that time. People who didn’t have as many sexual partners as possible were considered philistines and killjoys. If you compare this time to the present, this was the time when casual dating reached its peak. This attitude predominantly ran through the dating behavior of singles in the next decade, which led not least to the term of the wild 70s, which also existed in this form in Germany.
The development of subcultures
At the end of the 20th century, a change happened within society that affected dating. We are talking about the emergence of individual subcultures and their permanent followers. The fixed partner search was also, at this time, somewhat secondary. The focus was on securing one’s place in a clique. Singles thus had only a limited choice of potential partners and tended to meet occasionally just for fun. As a result, affairs and casual relationships were not uncommon. Instead of a relationship, people were more likely to look for friendships with benefits.
The technology of the 21st century
With the turn of the millennium, many areas of life have changed due to digitalization. So it’s no wonder that new technologies also impacted dating. Shortly before the turn of the millennium, the Internet made its way into households, which led to the rapid emergence of virtual dating sites.
Within two decades, the entire dating industry has changed. Classic methods like searching among friends have become a rarity, and many singles in the 21st century meet online.
Conclusion: dating has gone through various stages over the last 100 years. However, what is striking is that each step is known for different forms of dating. While dating agencies existed in the days of World War II, the trend after the war was more toward casual dating. Digitalization has once again wholly revolutionized dating, and Singles today find both lasting relationships via the Internet and non-binding pleasure.
Relationships at the workplace: What is allowed?
What you should watch out for and when a warning or dismissal is imminent
Relationships in the workplace happen all the time. According to a survey, almost every second team member has already had a date with a colleague.
Nevertheless, there is still much uncertainty: many wonder whether they have to tell their boss about their relationship and whether he can forbid it.
Relationships – even at work – are usually private; they do not have to be reported to the employer, and the employer is not allowed to prohibit them. However, a relationship among colleagues must not interfere with work performance.
Love affaires in the workplace – What does the boss need to know?
Is he even allowed to prohibit a romance under certain circumstances?
Relationships in the workplace are not uncommon. After all, we spend a large part of our time with our colleagues, resulting in good friendships and even partnerships. Although workplace love is widespread, there is still much uncertainty about what the boss might say. Does he even need to know about the relationship? And can he even forbid it under certain circumstances?
First of all, the good news is that intimate relationships between colleagues are allowed without restriction in Germany, resulting from the right to free development of the personality. Moreover, the employment contract only gives the boss the right to demand a particular working method – nothing more.
The “bad” news is: a romantic relationship must not influence how you work. The “clean” performance of work takes precedence from an employment law perspective in the workplace. So the work must not suffer because of the relationship. Otherwise, the employer can intervene – as with any other team member who does not perform the agreed work performance following the contract.
Can the employer demand be informed about relationships in the workplace?
Some employers are against team member relationships and have issued regulations. They may want to be informed about relationships immediately. However, such rules or prohibitions do not hold up in German labor courts. Love, as mentioned above, is a private matter.
In some cases, employers act with good intentions and want to protect their employees from sexual assault in the workplace. The idea behind this is to ensure transparency at all times and, above all, to prevent managers from forcing unwanted relationships on their colleagues. In U.S. companies, employees sometimes sue the company for damages if a colleague sexually harasses them.
In the U.S., sums in the millions are quickly involved; not even a fraction of that would be threatened in Germany. Another question, however, is whether such an obligation to disclose relationships would help prevent sexual assault and harassment.
Could a female team member of a U.S. company employed in Germany be fired because she has a relationship with a colleague?
In the U.S., internal company “ethics policies” are standard, which can be used to prohibit relationships between employees, among other things. HOWEVER, German law applies to U.S. companies in Germany, which means that these rules are invalid in Germany.
Are there exceptional circumstances under which a manager in Germany may intervene in the relationship between two employees?
This question can be answered with “No,” as long as the relationship does not influence the way of working. Accordingly, there are limits to how much you can act out the relationship at work. The same work ethic applies to everyone:
- No private text messages, emails, or other messages
- no tender or angry “touching”
In short, you need to follow etiquette and make sure the employer doesn’t see any reason for a warning or even termination for conduct. And it’s best to think of your colleagues as well as yourself… Love affairs in the workplace make excellent gossip. So think about when and if you want to make your relationship public.
Does it make a difference whether the relationship is between colleagues of the same rank or between a boss and her intern?
From a pure labor law perspective, the same rules apply to relationships between colleagues of the same rank as to relationships across hierarchies. In the latter case, however, it must be taken into account that a relationship of dependency may exist. Assuming that the higher-ranking partner exploits this professional dependency relationship, the employer must intervene. The reason: Due to its duty of care, the employer must ensure that its employees are treated equally and fairly.
What should employees watch out for when they fall in love at work?
It should now be clear that having a relationship is not a problem as long as you do your job well. In other words, no employer will object to employees perhaps even working more efficiently because they are happier, as long as manners are maintained. However, if work performance deteriorates, don’t be surprised if conflicts may arise.
So the question of whether to make your love public is not easy to answer. It depends on many factors, such as your relationship with colleagues and superiors and the way you want to live your relationship at work.
Depending on the circumstances, openness and transparency may be the way to go. In other situations – especially relationships that cross hierarchies – discretion may be appropriate, at least as long as you don’t walk down the aisle. Employers can ultimately respond to relationships between colleagues in a variety of ways.
Finally, fall in love again and find the right partner?
Find a partner: Here’s how to approach your partner search in Germany the right way
Two-thirds of singles in Germany are currently looking for the right partner. Finding a partner is exciting and, for many singles, also a big challenge. We explain which six factors often stand in the way of a successful partner search and with which tips you will succeed in finding the right partner for you.
Six factors why singles don’t find a partner and how to overcome them
While some singles fall in love again after only a few weeks or months, others sometimes remain alone for years – and let their longing for love put more and more pressure on them. Singles who have wanted a happy relationship for a long time are more susceptible to negative factors or beliefs that hinder their search for a partner. To help yourself achieve more happiness in love with a positive attitude, you should break out of the spiral of negative thoughts and the associated failure to find a partner. We’ll show you how to do this by looking at the most common factors influencing singles searching for a partner.
- Singles you meet do not meet your requirements
Knowing what is important to us in a relationship can help us find a partner. After all, if you want to be satisfied in a partnership in the long term, there are various aspects that you don’t want to miss. However, suppose your idea of a potential partner is so solid that you have a detailed picture in mind from which you are not willing to deviate. In that case, this will significantly reduce your success in finding the right partner.
Solution: Try to open up to singles who don’t fit your profile at first glance. You cannot press feelings into fixed patterns. A single who doesn’t quite suit your expectations at first glance may be precisely the person you feel comfortable with after a few meetings. Allow yourself to deviate from your expectations. Consider those essential characteristics in a relationship – you will be surprised how many exciting and great singles you can meet.
- The choice seems too big for you to commit yourself
Just because a single person wants a new relationship doesn’t automatically mean that they will find it easy to commit to just that. For some people, this may be due to a certain inability to relate or a fear of commitment developed through early parent-child relationships or painful experiences in past partnerships. But it may also be due to our great need for security. Many singles would prefer to have a guarantee before entering into a new relationship. Since this does not exist, closeness is not built up in the first place for fear of possibly missing out on an even “better” partner.
Solution: Relationships must be built up slowly. Playing it safe is not possible. Take out the pressure of finding a partner by reminding yourself that you don’t have to find the perfect partner right away. Instead, build closeness piece by piece and use this initial period to determine whether you are on the same wavelength as each other.
- After many months of searching, despair spreads through you
If you’re desperate to find a partner, you’ll show it on the outside. You appear dissatisfied, frustrated, and thus uninviting to those around you – precisely the opposite of what it takes to find the right partner. The more desperate you are in your search, the more this affects your appearance, and a downward spiral develops.
Solution: To escape this spiral, you should put yourself first again. Even if you long for a relationship, it’s essential to embrace and enjoy the single life as something positive. Spend time with people and in activities that bring you joy to be at peace with yourself. This inner contentment transfers to your charisma, which has a much more positive effect on other people.
- You don’t want to search anymore, but let yourself be found
“Letting yourself be found” is a safety strategy that seemingly helps you avoid ‘baskets’ and lack of interest, but it has a downside. It narrows the radius to those who take the first steps toward you. But what about all the others who are also taking a “wait-and-see approach?”1
1 Lisa Fischbach, psychologist and research director at ElitePartner
It is another factor that can negatively affect finding a partner. Going on the search for a partner in a tense manner does not necessarily lead to success, as described in point three. In contrast, passively waiting to find the right partner also severely limits the prospects for a new relationship.
Solution: If you want to find a partner, you can be active yourself. The most important thing here is to strike the right balance. For women, in particular, it is essential to understand that nowadays, the active role no longer lies solely with the man. “More purposeful, therefore, is to set out on your own and contact those singles you find interesting. So one becomes more conscious besides what one looks for in the love and partnerships”, advises Lisa Fischbach. The first step can be to write to men you like online yourself.
- Your romantic ideas can hinder you
Many singles have very romantic ideas of how they would like to find the right partner. Maybe you secretly wish to be approached by your potential dream partner while having a cappuccino in your favorite café and falling in love right away? Even if such an idea sounds nice, you should not let yourself be completely taken in by it and be open to other strategies for getting to know someone.
Solution: There are numerous ways to meet singles in our modern dating age. Special singles events, for example, bring together people with a desire for a new commitment. Online dating, in particular, is also a viable solution for many people nowadays to find a partner – whether on free singles exchanges or professional dating agencies. The significant advantage here is that you can filter which single matches you. For example, if you want to find a partner as a single parent.
- You have not yet finished with your past
Singles who have been in a partnership for a long time and have only recently separated often fear being alone. It then results in the attempt to quickly find a new partner to replace the inner emptiness and the loss of the ex-partner. If you haven’t come to terms with your past relationship, a new bond cannot develop on a stable foundation.
Solution: A breakup is complex, and it is often challenging to be alone again suddenly. Nevertheless, take enough time to come to terms with the past relationship and focus on yourself and your needs. If this is successful, you will be able to engage in a new love affair freely.
Conclusion: You will find a partner
Various factors prevent singles from successfully finding a partner. These include too high expectations, a passive approach, or the desperate search for a partnership out of fear of loneliness. There are three crucial aspects to turn such factors into a positive for you. You should pay attention to finding the right partner:
Think to yourself: “Who suits me?” and “What do I want?” and don’t judge too quickly if another person doesn’t meet all your expectations at first glance – feelings take time.
Increase your self-esteem. Because inner satisfaction positively affects your charisma, you look attractive to other singles. Become active yourself and dare to approach other singles. Modern possibilities such as online dating or singles events can also be the perfect place to find a partner.
With these tips in your luggage, you’ll be well equipped for the partner search project and in the best possible position when you meet the right person. Good luck!